What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
