She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
