i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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