I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
