I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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