Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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