Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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