We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
