Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
