He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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