When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
