I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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