I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
