i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
