U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
