You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
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