We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The Olympian is in my bed
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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