the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
