That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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