hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
