the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
