Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
