Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
