very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
