So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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