Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Also, beer. Big fan.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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