How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
