god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Randomize
