You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
