How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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