A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
