its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
