i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
