i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
