she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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