you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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