I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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