You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Swine flu is the new snow day.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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