1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
