Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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