Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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