he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
