i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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