Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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