My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
