i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
