I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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