Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
