mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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