i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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