8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
