my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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