You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
