Betty ford says i'm here all night
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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