Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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