Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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