fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
