just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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