I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
