im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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