Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
