I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
