she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm sobbing to NWA
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
