i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Sorry about my life...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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