I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
