my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
