The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
