its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
