I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
