i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Every concussion has its silver lining
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
